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| I need to stop drinking.
I stopped smoking pot so I started doing coke again and then I stopped
doing that so I try to go back to smoking pot and didn't like it so I
went back to prescription abuse and then shit happened big time so I
was like, k, let's be sober for two months.
Then I got a fucking fake ID.
And then I started making $$$$$$, said fuck you to Tony and his
baggage, and got an awesome haircut and it was all downhill from there.
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| I love posting. It makes you all flock to my blog and post comments. And we all know what an attention whore I am.
Last week at some point I began falling apart. The first week of July I lost my job, my roommate told me he was moving out within the week and I was broke with more than $500 owed to me with not a dime in sight. My mother wouldn't talk to me, I felt unsupported by my boyfriend, and I just didn't see any reason to be home or to get away from people and things.
Slowly when things started getting back together- I landed an awesome job, my roommate decided to move back in, I let myself get back into the cracks of my old social life, except with new people. With this new stress, emotionally I started going downhill completely and my relationship with Tony started to crash.
Currently, I don't know where it's at.
It seems to be the pattern. The two guys I've loved since I moved to Utah were both virgos, had the same profession, had similar histories, and similar styles of relating to me and functioning in relationships. Except I have changed. I am no longer the pushover who will just sit aside and wait for the answer; I will pry if I have to, and I will quit if my patience runs out. I made that mistake once before, and it hurt infinitely more than I could have ever imagined, changed me in many ways for the worse, and a lot of the positives that it has influenced, I was too angrily blind to see for a long, long time it wasn't worth it. The strength that comes from initiating a change in one's own life makes it easier to brave the pain, and if need be, I will do it.
I am constantly torn; is it worth all of this agony, or should I just be lonely forever. Or should I even continue on with life. It is bullshit. | | |
| I do shit like this way too often, it makes me a whore to the internet social scene. I am a slave to 21st century technology, people always complain that I am never "here", meaning I'm attached to my phone or always on the Internet or doing something like that. It's sad. I work when I am home, and I call home when I am at work; I doublebook some nights and I text people that I shouldn't even be talking to when I'm on dates with people. hahaha.
I am now on www.thefacebook.com. Such a whore, I know.
I am going to see Erasure, live, second row center seat, on May 28. I am also going to California for a much needed recuperation from life on April 14. Yesterday I meant to go Vintage shopping with my dear roommate/soulmate Riley but we ended up going to Koo De Ker, this independant boutique that began in LA and NYC and I ended up spending the allowance my mom gave me to help me travel and handle myself at the airport with food, coffee, and novelty (and cigarettes and alcohol, but she doesn't have to know). I got this kickass motorcycle jacket though, I just need a pair of nice aviator glasses. It is so chic, like Marc Jacobs. And I got this totally 80's off the shoulder top, and a bright green sweater. It's HOT!
So I can't stop staring at my hair. Volumizing spray does it wonders, and other than wanting to cut bangs, it looks so good even after two weeks. Yay for hair that never gets old.
Since I am poor and just have work and school for the next 8 days, I seriously can't wait to go home. I get paid the day I leave, and I have plans to get shitty and wild and see the killers. YAY ME! Bitches, comment, thanks. | | |
| I got a very much needed, long overdue and expensive haircut.
And I am kind of dating (as in driving insane) a 25 year old who will not stop making sexual innuendos in everything he says to me and tries to pick apart my life and brain for his own amusement. But he gets me drunk.
Right now I am poor, someone I care about just died, and I am going nowhere with life. And I am sick. Must sleep. | | |
| I am changing up my Xanga because I realized that my profile was the product of a certain sarcasm and cynicism I had toward illegal activities when I first moved into the dorms. I was freshly independent and barely 18, I was saying things to rub into people's faces that might otherwise seem audacious, ridiculous, or even immature. No more of that. I think I will change up wisely according to my age and intelligence level, not that I have anything to brag about seeing as how I have no brain cells left from all the things I did the last year and a half. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys these pictures and new blogs I will be writing with the new year. I hope 2005 treats us all better than 2004, it was one of the worst years ever.
Peace and XOXOXO
Yuri | | |
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